My *ahem* starter kit

***An official warning this one might be a bit over the edge***

***Proceed with caution***

I was greeted at my office door by a smiling employee/friend.

I have your bridal shower gifts

she said with a mischevious smile. I raised my eyebrows with the thought of the many different directions this could take. She ran out to her car to get them and returned with three wicker baskets, each containing multiple brightly wrapped items. She ushered me into my office and closed the door with a wicked smile on her face.

I knew right then I was in trouble.

She handed me a type written letter and explained that I had to read it aloud and it would instruct me which gift to open. She clasped her hands together in anticipation.

Dear Kristi

The key to a good marriage is organization.

Huh?

Some people think it should be all
romantic and adventurous;
however there will always
be time for cuddling (1)...

I paused.

She nudged the gift with a black 1

written on the wrapping paper toward me.

I opened it to find

a snuggly cream colored knit blanket.

Cool. This might not be so bad!

...and all of that other stuff...
the happiest marriage is a result of organization,
primarily in the bedroom.

Uh Oh.

Now as a warning there will be nights when war movies
and computer games will be more interesting to him than you,
which will provide you with the perfect opportunity to
brush up on your literature (2)(3).

She handed me packages

numbering two and three

and I slowly unwrapped them,

wondering at my fate.

I opened them to find a book

on Kama Sutra (um yikes!)

and another on um, hints and tips...

Anyway, the letter went on and on to number 12 with all sorts of, um, honeymoon necessities the details of which I will spare you of. Needless to say, I was rather embarrassed (read: mortified) with her little array of items, some of which I didn't even know existed!

Now that I think about it, I am rather relieved that she didn't show up to the bridal shower, where all of my church friends were. If it is possible, that would have been worse...