A project of control

Scotland is working to empty out the pink room today.

All of the office items and papers are going upstairs to the blue room. And he will be working on removing the pink shag carpeting so that we can refinish the wood floor beneath it.

I am sooooo excited.

After we refinish the floor, we are going to paint it too.

A whole new room, just full of exciting possibilities.

I am working on a neutral based color palate, with varying shades of browns. I want a large brown area rug and a lighter brown rocking chair. And for now, that will be the only piece of furniture in the room. Until there is a reason to put something else in there.

***

I am a project oriented person by nature. I thrive on projects. Sometimes this is a beneficial trait, and sometimes it is something I have to fight against.

When I am passionate about something, I go for it with all the intensity and energy I can muster. But that means when something is not working out, or if I cannot throw everything I've got at a project, I get frustrated and give up.

Yes. Sometimes I am a quitter.

But it is not as simple as just that. I (usually) analyze the situation and then make a decision as to whether or not I am interested in continuing.

And honestly, sometimes the answer is no.

***

Which is why I was originally so very afraid to get married...and have kids. Not really things you should be quitting on, willy nilly, right?

I was afraid because I know myself. I know how I typically react to certain situations. And I was afraid of getting all excited about these new and wonderful life changes and then running when things get tough.

Because, lets face it. When things get tough, I get going.

Fight or flight response? Always flight. 100% of the time.

Getting married was a really big thing for me. Because I had to decide if I was going to be able to fight that knee jerk reaction of wanting to run away when it is hard. Pursuing children is another hard thing. Because at the end of the day, a baby is not going to convince you not to run away.

But I work on it. That's why we are here right? To learn to be better people, more Christlike and to learn to make better choices here on earth.

***

And so I continue to find projects that I can throw myself into.

Like a little pink room that needs a little TLC before it can become a nursery. Even if it is not used for quite a while. Even if we have to wait to have it's first tiny little occupant.

Because it can be a mini project within the larger project of "having kids and becoming parents". And ultimately, at a time when there is absolutely nothing that I can do to move toward that goal because of my uncooperative body, there is something that I can do, something I can control, something that will bring us a tiny step closer.

And I can be grateful for a project that I can control.