Struggles

The plan is to move this Saturday. I am really excited about this new apartment because it has a washer and dryer, dishwasher, and garage, all of which I don't have right now. So many people have been so good to me about this move, providing packing materials, helping me pack, clean and move all my stuff, and I am so grateful for all their assistance. I am feeling stressed about it, but it is "manageable" as Scott would say.

My car is giving me problems right now, and I have been told that I am not to drive on the interstate until I get new tires. I hate putting money into my car when I am still making payments on it, but I guess that I don't have much of a choice at this point.

I am also getting stressed about the changes at work. My company is doing an internal restructure that is all based around some offhanded comment I made one day. It is a little uncertain what I will be doing in two months when the morphing of jobs is completed, but I hope that it will contain the things that I like to do. We are still short staffed, and I am still in the hiring process, but hopefully this time it will be a little bit easier on everyone involved.

My family is actually very low on the stress scale right now but I am sure that will change when Christmas comes around, but for now they are all keeping quietly to themselves and the drama is at a low level.

My relationship is actually one of things that is stressing me out the most right now, for many reasons, but mostly because I hate not knowing what direction we are going. Kali asked me what I would say if he proposed today, and I honestly don't know the answer to that. In previous relationships, I always knew if I would marry someone. I don't know if that was just the immature confidence of youth, or if I just have more doubts about marriage in general now, but I have such insecurity in these big decisions now.

The other thing I am struggling with right now is my faith and it's application to my life. I just feel that I don't understand things like I should. I go to church and everyone else participates and answers questions, and I feel like I have nothing to contribute because I know so little about it. Being born in this religion, I really should know more about it than I do, and I am ashamed at the low level of my gospel knowledge.