Relationship Roles

As I sit here and contemplate the events of the past few days, I keep coming back to the concept of roles. Every participant in a relationship has a part to play, a role they fulfill. I know, it is a cynical viewpoint to compare relationships to acting, but I think it is more true than we admit. Whether or not we are actually "acting" is not what I am talking about. Some people are fake in their behavior, some people are honest. That is not the point. The point is, people bring out traits and behaviors in us and we often take on a role in a relationship as a reaction to the other person. When I am with my dad, I take on the role of student because he has this way of "teaching" life lessons to me, even ones that I already know or have experienced. I don't mind it because I don't feel he is talking down to me or berating me. When I am with my high school friends, I take on the role of successful and happy to prove it to them as well as myself because of my insecurities. When I am talking to Portland friends, I act confident and sassy, even bordering on outrageous. When I am with the boy I am fragile and emotional.

Some of these roles are obvious, and the reasons they come out are obvious. Some are a little more difficult to interpret. I have no idea why with one person I am fragile and with another I am confident and strong. Is it a reflection of what the other person is? Am I fragile because Scott is strong? Or does it have more to do with their reactions to the behavior? Am I confident and sassy because I like the reaction I get from Adam? Am I afraid that the same behavior would get a negative reaction from Scott? Or is it more situational? Do I feel weak because I am not in control of the situation and I don't determine the direction of the relationship?

The other option is to determine what your current role in the relationship is and then try to change it to what you want to be. I don't like being fragile and damaged. I want to be quietly strong and supportive. That is the decision I made last night, and I hope that my behavior toward him backed that up. I told him what I wanted, and then I supported him when he told me what he wanted. It is not perfect by any means, but it is better, and I don't feel like the emotional wreck I have been for the past few weeks anymore. Hopefully I can maintain that role and keep building this relationship up instead of tearing myself down...