Cause and Effect

Lately I have been thinking about cause and effect phenomenon in relationships. I really don't think that most people have any idea about how much what they say and do affect other people in their lives. When you make some off handed comment, do you stop to think about who will be affected by it? I would argue that most times, you don't.

My younger sisters have no clue how much their behavior and words affect the rest of the family. My mom spent most of Saturday crying because of my sisters cruel behavior towards her. My sister completely ignored it.

My brother used his Christmas money to help a family in need this year. Besides affecting the family he provided it for, he had an effect on every person that watched him do it. I know that I personally was very moved to see his unselfishness this year, and I saw my dad tear up on more than one occasion when we were talking about it.

My FHE group played volleyball last night, and their cheerful, always welcoming attitudes worked wonders on my bad day. While I am sure that will be considered a minimal event in my life, I am grateful for the effect they had on me for one day.

He has no idea what sort of effect he has on me on a daily basis, whether I see him or not. And since he reads this blog on occasion, I won't say anymore about that. It's no big deal...

I understand that everyone has their free agency, and you are not responsible for anyone but yourself (except in the case of parents and children) and no one can "make" you feel something that you don't allow yourself to feel, but really? Shouldn't we all try to be a little more considerate of the effect of our actions and behaviors? Doesn't this fall in line with a little more personal responsibility?

In the workplace, if you offend someone by a comment you make, 90% of managers will make you apologize regardless of whether you agree that the comment was offensive. It is just part of the makeup of keeping the peace in a work setting. What if we all had to treat each other that way? What if you had to apologize for any comment or behavior that was deemed inappropriate or offensive? I think we would all be curbing our words and actions a little more if anyone could demand that of us. But would that prevent us from developing the close and intimate relationships that allow us to be unequivocally ourselves, no filter, no excuses, no problem? Can we really express our true personality if we have to constantly monitor and filter our behavior and words around others? Is the basis of a truly intimate relationship complete trust and acceptance of the good, the bad, and the ugly side of one's personality?

These posts just tend to open up more questions for me rather than answering them. I really should stop while I am ahead...