Visit from the parents

My mother called last night to let me know that she and my father would be coming up on Friday night to stay with me so that dad and I can attend a class in Rexburg on Saturday. I am quite apprehensive about this little sleepover for several reasons, but most of all because I know what my mother will say. You see, her opinion of how successful my life is usually revolves around three main things; job, boyfriend, and house. The job is fine, she doesn't know exactly what I do everyday but she knows I get a steady paycheck, so she will be fine with that. The boyfriend is good, she really likes Scott because she thinks he must be brilliant since he has a degree in economics. But the house, well that is a different matter. She will tell me that my apartment is a disaster area, that I have way too much stuff for way to small a space. She will say that it is a shame I can't find an apartment in a nicer area of town, something larger, with a garage and a washer and dryer. She will shake her head at my larger than life treadmill in the middle of my living room and tell me that it is a shame I have to have trip over it everyday, and then, inevitably, she will trip over it. She will look at the carpet and ask if I own a vacuum, to which I will reply, yes and I just vacuumed today, and she will shake her head. Then she will tell me that it is a shame that I am wasting my money on rent when I could be building equity in a home, and I will reply yet again that I can't afford a house by myself when I work off commission. To which, she will re-evaluate her prior decision of the job and boyfriend being ok and she will ask me why I don't get a better job and when I expect that boy to marry me. *laugh* And I will wonder why I wasn't prepared for her little criticisms about every aspect of my life with some witty remark, and then I will realize that she is just vocalizing the thoughts that swirl around in my head and constantly pick at my self esteem. I don't think I have a conscience, but I do have my mother's voice in my head that does mostly the same thing. And I will go from being completely ok with my life to feeling like I let everyone down and I have so many things to fix.

Then she will leave, tripping over the treadmill on her way out, and my life will return to normal, where I am happy having what I have until the next time she calls or visits or whatever. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother and I accept that she is crazy and this is just part of her personality, but I struggle all the same to push past her constant criticisms of my life and keep my head where I want it. I hate feeling like I am letting everyone down.