Family Ties

So I guess I have avoided this topic long enough that it is very obviously missing from my blog page. My family has been in a tailspin for almost a year now, and although things have slowed down at times, it seems that it is not going to stop any time soon. Relationships have been damaged, siblings are refusing to communicate with each other, parental ties are strained, and everything is just generally a mess. Somehow I always get stuck in the middle, trying to sort out the miscommunications and problems between everyone else. However, this time I am taking a different route with the family. I love them all, but I am not going to try to solve their problems with each other. I am not going to participate in complaining sessions about other family members, I am not going to commiserate with them about how unfairly they are being treated and I am not going to give them information about a sibling that they are not speaking with. I am simply going to love them and let them sort out their own mess. Does that sound horrible, like I am refusing them the help they so desperately need? Or am I giving them the opportunity to work things out on their own so that they can grow and change? Well, whatever my reasoning is, this is the decision I have made, even though I have not yet vocalized it.

So why am I giving up on my family and abandoning them to their own devices? Because I decided that I just can't do it anymore. I cannot put myself into that position right now and allow myself to be drawn in and pushed around. I have no idea what will happen without me in the "peacemaker" role, but I know that it is the best choice for me. I hope that one of my other siblings will be forced to look outside of themselves and step into that role since it has been vacated. I only hope that it doesn't fall to my brother, who is the only other neutral party at this time. I hope they don't do that to him, because I know it would be devastating for him. I wish my sisters and parents could see what all of this is doing to him. He is such a great kid and he really struggles with all of the drama that has been going on for the last year. It broke my heart to see how sad he was when all of his sisters were fighting last year. Then with the more recent issues between the three sisters, it really seems like he is unsure where to turn.

My dad had this idea last spring that by the end of the summer things would be better between the sisters and then we could finish the project that took us the entire winter. Poor thing, he really thought that a few months would repair all that damage and everyone would be perfectly fine to continue sorting through my grandma's things. I wonder if he will get to the point of hopelessness that I am at and decide to finish the rest of it by himself.

When I was younger, I had this idea that my family would be the same forever, just with a few extra "kids" added in as we each got married. I honestly thought that our relationships would always be pretty steady, that we would all live close enough to remain friends and that our ties would always be as close knit as they once were. I guess I was naive or overly optimistic or something because I know very few families that are like that these days. Why did I think my family could beat the odds? Call it the innocence of youth if you will, but somehow I never doubted that our relationships would always be great. I feel so jaded now, families don't stay together, friends don't stay together, marriages don't stay together. Do people really go on with their lives with no loving relationships to buoy them up? What a lonely and depressing life to live, completely alone with only superficial relationships from forced situations to rely upon. What is there left to believe in if all relationships end?