When I grow up

Recently, Scotland and I have been discussing his future at his current job.

You know the type of questions I am referring too:

Do I want to keep doing what I am doing?

Do I want to move onto somewhere else and do the same thing?

Do I want to move onto somewhere else and do something different?

and, the inevitable,

Do I want to go back to school?

For what I think is the first time in my life, I didn't automatically give the "whatever makes you happiest" answer. Not because I don't want my husband to be happy, please don't think that. Because now someone else's life choices affect me in a direct way.

Welcome to marriage, right?

I hate to use my own words, but now, more than before, it's complicated. If he goes back to school or changes professions, more questions are raised.

How will we pay for it?

How will we pay our bills?

Will this choice require us to put off having children?

What will I need to do in order to become the primary breadwinner?

You see? Complicated.

More than anything, I want us to be happy. I want us to achieve our goals and dreams and make the most of the limited time that God has given us. And I don't want regrets.

The reexamination of my husbands wants and needs for the future also made me question my own.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

And I really had to think about it.

It's different now than when you were a kid and wanted to be a doctor or firefighter or a police officer. Now you know the details that make the decision more difficult. Now you know the schooling required, the pay, the hours, the dangers.

But I was still only able to narrow it down to two things.

Things that I really enjoy doing. Writing and taking pictures.

I love writing. I love molding the words and phrases I am using to describe exactly what I am getting at. I love putting the voice in my head out on paper (or screen) to see. But also? I have discovered that I love taking photos. I see something in my mind, I see the beauty or simplicity, and while it is still a struggle for me, I want to capture it. I work to capture it. And when I do?

Bliss. Joy. Satisfaction.

But could I do it?

Could I take either one of those and turn it into a profession?

And what would that do to me?

Would my enjoyment of those activities cease to exist

because it has made the transition from a hobby to a job?

I don't know.