Crockpot crap

I am sooooo mad at my crockpot! I want to throw it out into a snow drift today and never see it again. I put in a beautiful little pork roast the other day, and some baby red potatoes and turned it on, anticipating the aroma that would fill my little house very soon. Unfortunately, where this is a hand me down crockpot, I was unaware that it only has two settings. Boil and off. Not so conducive to the slow cooking of a roast. So I put it on the "simmer" setting and discovered 12 hours later that it was incorrectly labeled, and should have been called the "fake you out so you ruin your food" setting. OFF. That thing would have fed me for almost a week, and here I am, throwing it out to the dogs. What a lovely waste.

After I discovered my roast tragedy, my mom suggested turning it up to the boil setting to kill the bacteria so I could still eat it. Um. I. Don't. Think. So. Not that I wouldn't enjoy a good case of salmonella or food poisoning, I mean really, who wouldn't? Vomiting, fever, nausea, and my personal favorite, diarrhea. Please. *rolls eyes* Sign me up for that one. I could use a few days off work... Hmm...